The Rose Enquirer

Page 3

Dr I G Ottachitz explains the mystery of the missing socks and how to retrieve them. Firstly there is no real mystery for those of you who own pets. Having received multi-million $ grant to research this phenomenon I have discovered 99% of the loss is caused by household pets eating them and not washing machines as first thought. The remedy is simple but you do need long rubber gloves.

Talk to your pet reassuringly and follow the pictures.
As you can see, this in no way causes any distress to the animal and in fact I'm sure they quite enjoy it. The promise of biscuit always helps to keep them relaxed. 

Here you can see Fido looking lovingly at me, I think this proves how much they enjoy it.
Then pop out they all come, see how happy Fido is, I'm sure he would love to do it all again. I will give him his biscuit soon, I just wish I hadn't thrown all the matching socks away.

Oh while I think of it, if your pet is a hamster or some such like animal then this procedure is not recommended.
Huh mmmm, this picture was taken soon after retrieving the socks. See how much Fido loves me, ( thank god the paramedics were standing by).

As soon as I get out of hospital I will be revealing more discoveries.